"Somebody help me! I'm drowning in a sea of stupidity"

 So, several months ago I decided to sign up for free to see what kind of voice over jobs are available through the thumbs down freelancer platform...UpWork. Getting registered with them was pretty fast and easy. But here's the funny part. ONE DAY after I signed up, (ONE DAY!) I received an email from them stating my account was being suspended because I wasn't auditioning for enough jobs with them. I barely had a chance to put my headphones on after I signed up when their suspension email came in. Most of the voice over jobs on there are "crapola" from all over the world including some where they want you to work for free.  Or the phony promise of better paying future work. And the bulk of the jobs are VO folks who are fighting over a $10 job! Voice seekers who want a whole lot from the voice talent but aren't willing to pay a fair amount. I immediately deleted all my sign-up information.My conclusion? It's a nasty place to try to win decent VO jobs. Bottom of the barrel jobs are in abundance there. And I have found the people who want a really good voice over but don't want to pay a fair amount, are the biggest pain in the butt to work for. You actually have to pay UpWork with their screwy connect tokens to audition for jobs. Take a hard pass on UpWork for voice jobs. Even if you're new to voice over and need experience, run, don't walk from UpWork. Their wonky audition process is beyond stupid and insulting. From what I've heard from former employees, many in upper management there are clueless about the VO industry. For them, it's all about how much money they can make off the site. (Sound like another well known voice over website?) If you think my review of UpWork is harsh, Google them. Reddit has some very specific (raw) reviews.  Getting paid peanuts, or nothing at all, is a terrible way to launch your voice over career. You never want to be branded as the "cheap voice over guy/gal." 

 

When renowned voice over coach Marice Tobias speaks...people listen (or should)

 I first became familiar with voice over coach Marice Tobias many years ago. I heard she has an amazing background, not just in voice over, but many other things as well. She has a reputation for being a no nonsense coach, and from what I hear, is very selective about who she'll coach. For one... no beginners. She doesn't candy coat when teaching a talent. Some in the VO world call her "The Voice Whisperer." I would agree, although I've never had the good fortune of having her coach me or meeting her in person.

Quite a few blog posts back, I recommended, when possible, taking your headphones off when you're voicing copy. Voice actors who come from an on-air, radio background, will most likely scoff at the idea as they're so use to hearing their "wonderful, melodious voices" in their headphones with the volume jacked way up. I once followed a radio deejay when I was on-air in Charlotte who had the volume in his headphones so loud it was ear splitting, as I found out one afternoon, when he was leaving his airshift and I was plugging in my headphones coming on to do my show. I had no idea how he could work like that, but he did. By the way, how are you "Bob B.?" Any hearing loss?

In my humble opinion, taking your headphones off is one of the best things you can do for a natural read. And "natural and "believable" is always in demand for voice over jobs.

The other day on You Tube (where else?), I found some videos of Marice being interviewed in studio. She gladly offered her top 3 tips to voice over folks. Here's that very short clip that I think you'll find beneficial when you're in the booth recording. You can thank me later. Scroll down after clicking in to see her 3 VO tips.

"Duck! Here comes another piece of wedding cake!"

 I'm reposting this because it happens to be the most popular (#1) on this blog... by a mile. (I'm able to log in and see how many views it has.) Seems that folks like a good wedding fight! Just like the WWE!

 I once co-owned a mobile deejay business with a partner when I was on radio in South Florida.  It was called "Hot Summer Nights" ... a fitting name for a Florida entertainment company we thought. We would book company Christmas parties, birthdays, weddings, poolside fun...you name it.  Pretty much any occasion where music was needed to light up the crowd for a good time. Coming from my radio background, mobile deejaying was extra fun, as I could actually see my "audience"...unlike radio.  

Weddings were a challenge as the guests in attendance at the reception were everyone from the bride and groom to little children, teens, and in most cases, Mom and Dad and Grandpa and Grandma. So you were playing music to a wide age range. You had to have  something for everyone and keep them all happy. And by all means, DON'T play any unfamiliar music that folks didn't know. That would make the dance floor empty quickly. And you might get a dissatisfied look from the bride or groom. For the most part, I played the hits and kept the good vibe going. The two most requested old school songs at wedding receptions were Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll" and the very naughty Clarence Carter song "Strokin". Nothing could fill the dance floor faster than these two songs.

Before the wedding, I would always meet with the bride and groom (and sometimes their parents) to discuss exactly what song selections they wanted played... or didn't want played. Which brings me to what this post is all about. 

By far, a particular Italian wedding was one of, if not thee most, bizarre weddings I ever deejayed. I met beforehand with the bride and her Mom. Right off the bat, I knew this event was going to have its "unique challenges." The mother said, "My creepy ex-husband is going to be at the reception. If he comes up to make a request, DON'T play it!" Alrighty then. "Also," she went on to say, "An uncle and nephew have very bad blood and they'll be at the reception . Hopefully, there won't be any problems." After Mom gave me a 50%  cash deposit to deejay the event, I left our meeting driving home with all kinds of weird scenes playing out in my head; most of them not good. 

Fast forward to the wedding reception. It was your typical hot summer, South Florida day. The couple had rented out a large party room at a West Palm Beach golf course on a Saturday. My assistant for the day helped me set up my deejay equipment. Soon, guests started filing in. It was a very large and lively crowd. I fired up some music and things got rolling. The dance floor was filling up nicely. That was always good to see. Just trying to keep everyone happy. Drinks were flowing freely as the crowd loosened up. Midway through the reception, the bride's Mom came up to me and handed me the balance due in cash and walked away. I told my helper to play the music as I wanted to step into the men's room and count the cash to make sure all was paid. Upon exiting, I saw fists flying from all corners and utter mayhem breaking loose, as the nephew and uncle I had been warned about had gotten into a push and shove match, with others stepping in to take a few swipes at the nephew, who apparently had a history of run-ins with the law and stirring up issues with the family. A chef came out of the kitchen and tried to get things under control. But the free for all fight kept rolling. I honestly thought someone might pull a knife or gun. I think I even saw Grandma  trying to get in a punch or two at the nephew, people yelling  and taking sides.  And at one point, I feared for my deejay equipment as a tidal wave of people was moving in my direction with little regard for my set-up. Things got so out of hand, someone called the police. The first cop that showed up looked like Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith TV show. He looked like he weighed just shy of 130 pounds! I thought, "There's no way this guy is going to be able to get this angry crowd under control." Soon, more officers arrived in the parking lot before running into the reception area. I stepped out to the lot to see a middle aged man punching one of the guests who fell to the pavement. It was all very surreal, like out of a movie, or the phony WWE with all their staged wrestling fights on TV. And sadly, the bride had taken a seat in the limo with an open door and was sobbing hysterically, saying, "They've ruined my day!"  I felt badly for her. Eventually, things settled down and my assistant and I broke down our deejay equipment and left the "festivities." I was relieved to be on the road. Time to get home for a cold beer. Or maybe a couple.

Later that evening, my business partner called and asked me how the wedding went. I told him he would be deejaying the next wedding we booked. I needed a short "vacation."

                                                                                   

About that Side Hustle

 Ask any voice actor about odd jobs they held before landing steady VO work, and you might be surprised to see a very long list. Hugh Jackman used to work at 7-11. He was fired from that job because his boss said he talked too much to the customers. J.K. Rowling was fired because her boss said she was writing stories on her computer all day long. I worked at a convenience store while I was attending broadcast school at 18 years of age. I was bagging/cleaning heads of lettuce in the store's back room when the announcer came on the radio and sadly reported "The King," Elvis, was found dead at Graceland. His last words--"I'm going to the bathroom to read." One of those moments I'll always remember. And where I was when the space shuttle exploded; on the air just south of the launch pad up the Florida coastline. Listeners called me shortly after liftoff saying something didn't look right. I opened the station backdoor, looked afar, and saw strange plumes of smoke moving in all directions. Not good.

As things go with voice acting (and many other professions), you'll probably be doing a bunch of different "survival" jobs to put a little jingle in your pocket. Cash flow will generally always be a nag as you wait for your next voice gig or check to come in.  (Unless you have rich and generous parents bailing you out.) And there will be times when things seem to be going well, when all of a sudden, the bottom drops out and it's "Hello. Is anybody out there?" All the more reason to have a second  job to put groceries on the table and pay the rent.

Here are some of the side jobs I held before I started making decent money deejaying on the radio, and eventually, my love,..voice over.

Loading UPS 18 wheeler trucks with tons of packages in extreme summertime heat.

Lawn mowing at an old school apartment complex. 

A cashier at our friendly, local, mom and pop convenience store. It had a small meat counter in the back and I use to make some off the charts sandwiches near closing time. It was one of the few fringe benefits of working there. "Mmmmm good!"

Deejaying at a teen's dance club. This was a living nightmare! Tons of kids coming at me in the booth ALL AT ONCE shouting their requests. Frantic/panic comes to mind. "Hey! I didn't sign up for this!"

 Digging drainage ditches on a new golf course with water issues, my miserable boss shouting at me from a loud ditch digger; me muddied up with a shovel in hand.

Working behind a deli counter at a Jewish restaurant. I held this job for 1 day! The pace was maddening. Wasn't for me. I quit. But I still LOVE pastrami on rye!

Janitorial, part time job buffing floors at a senior living community activity center..

Working for a florist delivering flower arrangements from my overheated, smoke belching, crappy car. This was a real challenge as I was living in steamy, hot South Florida. "Help! My customer flowers are wilting." I was amazed when customers tipped me.

Selling a savings plan. (I stunk at this).

These are just some jobs I worked to get by. I'm probably mentally blocking out a few disasters.I'm sure you have your own list of odd/side hustle jobs. Be thankful for the job. Things will change;often for the better.

As the great voice over master, Harlan Hogan, has said for years now. 'You don't really want a voice over career. Careers have a definite start and a finish. A business can go on and on. Aim for that.' Pay attention to best business practices.

The legendary narrator Peter Thomas ("Forensic Files") was still in demand up until his death at 91!

A question I never get asked

 I've been doing voice overs for quite some time now. And like many, I tend to look at other voice over websites to hear demos, read information, and see how other talents are presenting themselves.

From time to time, I'll see an overly lengthy description about what gear they are using...microphone, pre-amp, etc. In all my years of doing voice over, I have never had a client/customer ask me what microphone I'm using. Or frankly, about ANY equipment I'm using. For the most part, they don't care! So when I see all the specifics about equipment on a voice over website, I consider it wasted space. Here's what clients/customers want and expect. A good, clean audio file with no background noise in the format of their choosing (MP3, WAV, AIFF) with no or very limited processing, delivered on time. 

As a voice over talent, for the most part, it is the client's decision as to how the audio will be processed in post production. Whether it be the amount of compression (if any), volume adjustments, possible light reverb, or any other effect they desire. Some talents will do a light de-ess and EQ before sending the audio. But not much more than that. Less is more.

All of the above said, many fellow voice over talents will often ask about your recording studio set-up and what microphone and preamp you use. Some voice over talents can't stop talking about their gear and the latest "toy" on the microphone or preamp market they want to buy. ("gear heads"). That's never been my cup of tea.

I have a Neumann TLM 103  and Sennheiser 416 in my studio. They are two of the most popular microphones for voice over work. They get the job done and satisfy my clients/customers. But they never ask about them. And I'm OK with that. 

Common errors in English usage. ("I told you you were saying it wrong!")

Have a friend, family member or co-worker who is constantly mangling the English language? I have a sister who says "pacifically" for "specifically" in conversation. I use to correct her. I gave up on that.

Here's a really terrific guide to word usage that I think is fascinating. Don't be surprised if you find that you have made (or are making), some of these same mistakes. I know I have.

WARNING: Once you click on one word and explore, you'll want to keep clicking on one word after another. That could take all day! It's a very long list.

ATM machine

“ATM” means “Automated Teller Machine,” so if you say “ATM machine” you are really saying, “Automated Teller Machine Machine.” 

Thanks given to Paul Brians for posting the lengthy list and sharing. Credit to Nancy P. McKee and George P. Kennedy, who wrote "Correcting Common Errors in Writing," published by Kendall/Hunt Publishing.